"Gratitude turns what we have into enough and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity ... it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." ~ Melody Beattie
Have you ever had something so precious that you wanted to hold it and keep it forever? A prize that would stand the test of time, not show wear or tear, grime or dust. If we just hold it tight enough ... if we keep it separate and all to ourselves, it will always be perfect.
I think sometimes we unknowingly want to hold "our people" like that. We want them to always be the same person we know, we are comfortable with the way they are. They might not be perfect, but they are "them" to our "us".
I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I'm trying to make some changes in my life. I want to approach the next phase differently than I have in the past. Initially, I was assured that I was fine the way I was - why would I need to change? However, since I am still able to communicate, explain my reasoning, I was able to persuade my loved ones that the changes are good, necessary, and worth the adjustment we would all have to make. I was able to show a gratitude for my past, make peace with today and declare a vision for my tomorrow.
I have a choice to change, but those living with dementia did not choose their changes. They did not create a vision for their future. They are not able to understand the reasoning of the change, and would probably say it is not worth the adjustment they have to make.
This means it is up to us, their people, to make today enough, to guide chaos into order, confusion into clarity, by accepting the new person slowly replacing our precious loved one. We do this by expressing gratitude, even when it's hard, even when the only piece of gratitude is the tiniest glimmer. Gratitude helps us accept our reality with the impact dementia has on everyone involved. Our acceptance will create peace, not only for us, but for our loved one. Acceptance of who we are is the strongest form of love and the evidence of gratitude from those in our lives.
If we open our hearts, we can, and will, find gratitude in every day to celebrate every person who needs us to be grateful for their existence in our lives.
With Love,
Tim's Place Sequim
October 2023